I've got a book of matches


That’s all of ‘em. Sorry for the long posts.


It’s a terrifying experience. It’s an overwhelming urge that I never know if I’ll be able to defeat each time It returns. Everyone has felt It, haven’t they? The physical pull toward the person they’re attracted to. The mental desire that wants to manifest as physical action.

I can never predict exactly when It will come. I just know that It will. No matter how much I prepare for ItIt is a tidal wave ripping through me. You can’t prepare for something like that. Especially when you aren’t even sure when or if It will ever break.

Somehow I haven’t been pinned helplessly to the floor yet. I’ve been dragged to my knees by the weight of It, but somehow I’ve managed to get back up before the next wave tries to drown me.

The worst part is that It’s never something I want to fight at first. I actually want to give in. But to do so would risk so much, and the odds have never been so stacked against me. Or maybe they aren’t, and I’ve just pulled a veil over my own eyes.

I don’t know for sure, but I’ll keep opposing  It for as long as I can.

Looking Back on Lost Friends P.2


My very first friend passed away the other day. I watched as she slowly lowered her head and the drugs put her to sleep. Even when my mother moved to block my view of my friend as she passed, I stared as if looking through mother’s head. Teared piled in my eyes and my throat was drier than hell.

When the drug that was meant to numb and put her into a peaceful sleep took affect, her tongue fell out of her mouth. She didn’t have many teeth, so there was nothing to keep it inside. I desperately wanted to put it back, to lean forward and kiss and cry into her fur, but I couldn’t move.

I didn’t see the final needle enter her. I didn’t see her tongue turn from bright pink to sickly purple. I didn’t feel her soul leave, like some people claim happens when someone they care about passes. It took just a few moments before the vet checked for her pulse. As soon as the call was made, everyone around me let the floodgates flow, and tears streamed down our faces.

I wasn’t the friend I should have been to her, but every time I was with her she showed me love and affection that I did not deserve. In her simple, loving, and fading eyes I was the best friend, companion, and master she could ask for, and maybe it was only because I fed her and occasionally rubbed her back in her old age. But that was enough for her.

Even as old as she was, nearly 15, she was always a puppy at heart. She always managed to muster up random bursts of puppyish energy. Even on her last day, it was her that kept our spirits high as she dashed unbelievably around the yard. When she plopped her hind legs into the ground and flailed her upper body left and right to show off her excitement, we could do nothing more than laugh.

August Honeysuckle Ricci, or simply Honey as we called her, was so much more than a dog or pet. She was more than a friend. She was like my own ball of sunlight, always ready to please and comfort with an almost motherly series of kisses. And I could never appreciate her enough.

Looking Back on Lost Friends P.1


One of my friends is dead, and another will go in just two days. I’ve shown neither the respect they deserved that I claim to give to the people I call friend. The first was at one point among my closest friends. Then she moved, and we stopped talking. We were just kids. I didn’t know how to reach her and I missed her terribly for a time. My fondest memory of her will forever be her dog, a golden lab, ripping her off her feet and dragging her across the lower lot of my home. She just managed to release the leash before being pulled onto the pavement.

When she got to her feet, both laughing and crying with her glasses bent but somehow still on her face, I laughed with her. Every once in a while after she moved, she would appear on my doorstep out of nowhere without warning. She was friends with my neighbor, you see, and they would get together often. It was always a wonderful surprise, but  Iwish I’d shown it more. Years later, I discovered she had feelings for me. Which, looking back, was almost obvious.

I suppose I had the same feelings for her at one point. But reflecting on past feelings that may or may not have been is not my purpose here. When we finally managed to get in contact again, it was over Facebook, and she reached out to me. It was the last conversation I would ever have with her before she was ripped from the world by some sick fuck with a knife.

Three years of no interaction with someone who was once my best friend and now they’re gone forever. There was no reason. No purpose behind it. Except, perhaps, my own neglect.

It will not happen again. I will not let it happen again.


Beautiful Nightmares

Too often I wake up staring at the ceiling, the smile that slipped onto my lips in the night to accompany a wondrous dream in a world where every bad thing was done right is immediately replaced by a grief-stricken cringe that envelopes my entire frozen body.

No matter how I twist and turn I can’t lull my body back into that beautiful world of false realities. I can’t escape the morning chill that looks to violently keep me in  a place riddled with misery and mistakes.

Instead I’m left cringing with full body tremors as I remember all the reasons why those dreams aren’t real. Oh how I wish I could make it all disappear. The things I would do, I would give, to alter these past three years are infinite.

But it seems like everyone else is better off continuing the way things are. I won’t look to change things if everyone else is happy now. I’ll just go through the motions with this cycle of heartache and brutally beautiful nightmarish dreams.

Posting several stories I wrote last year during my boring classes/free periods. At the time they were rather personal but now… Ehfuckit


A hellhound is a supernatural creature that can be found in folklore. They usually have black fur, glowing red eyes, super strength and speed, a foul odor and sometimes even the ability to talk. Certain legends say that if you stare into a hellhounds eyes 3 or more times, then you will surely die. They are often associated with the entrance to the afterlife. In european legends simply even hearing a hellhounds howl maybe an omen or cause of death. 



A hellhound is a supernatural creature that can be found in folklore. They usually have black fur, glowing red eyes, super strength and speed, a foul odor and sometimes even the ability to talk. Certain legends say that if you stare into a hellhounds eyes 3 or more times, then you will surely die. They are often associated with the entrance to the afterlife. In european legends simply even hearing a hellhounds howl maybe an omen or cause of death. 







science side of tumblr, can you explain why there’s a void in my heart I can’t fill



Check out my sick new phone. 

Ohgod it feels so good on my ear

Check out my sick new phone.

Ohgod it feels so good on my ear

Send me a number!

  • 1: Full name
  • 2: Zodiac sign
  • 3: 3 Fears
  • 4: 3 things I love
  • 5: 4 turns on
  • 6: 4 turns off
  • 7: My best friend
  • 8: Sexual orientation
  • 9: My best first date
  • 10: How tall am I
  • 11: What do I miss
  • 12: What time were I born
  • 13: Favourite color
  • 14: Do I have a crush
  • 15: Favourite quote
  • 16: Favourite place
  • 17: Favourite food
  • 18: Do I use sarcasm
  • 19: What am I listening to right now
  • 20: First thing I notice in new person
  • 21: Shoe size
  • 22: Eye color
  • 23: Hair color
  • 24: Favourite style of clothing
  • 25: Ever done a prank call?
  • 26: What colour of underwear I’m wearing now?
  • 27: Meaning behind my URL
  • 28: Favourite movie
  • 29: Favourite song
  • 30: Favourite band
  • 31: How I feel right now
  • 32: Someone I love
  • 33: My current relationship status
  • 34: My relationship with my parents
  • 35: Favourite holiday
  • 36: Tattoos and piercing i have
  • 37: Tattoos and piercing i want
  • 38: The reason I joined Tumblr
  • 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
  • 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
  • 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
  • 42: When did I last hold hands?
  • 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
  • 44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?
  • 45: Where am I right now?
  • 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
  • 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
  • 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
  • 49: Am I excited for anything?
  • 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
  • 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?
  • 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?
  • 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
  • 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
  • 55: What is something I disliked about today?
  • 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  • 57: What do I think about most?
  • 58: What’s my strangest talent?
  • 59: Do I have any strange phobias?
  • 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
  • 61: What was the last lie I told?
  • 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
  • 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
  • 64: Do I believe in magic?
  • 65: Do I believe in luck?
  • 66: What’s the weather like right now?
  • 67: What was the last book I’ve read?
  • 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
  • 69: Do I have any nicknames?
  • 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
  • 71: Do I spend money or save it?
  • 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?
  • 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?
  • 74: Favourite animal?
  • 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
  • 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
  • 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
  • 78: How can you win my heart?
  • 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
  • 80: What is my favorite word?
  • 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
  • 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
  • 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?
  • 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
  • 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
  • 86: What is my current desktop picture?
  • 87: Had sex?
  • 88: Bought condoms?
  • 89: Gotten pregnant?
  • 90: Failed a class?
  • 91: Kissed a boy?
  • 92: Kissed a girl?
  • 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
  • 94: Had job?
  • 95: Left the house without my wallet?
  • 96: Bullied someone on the internet?
  • 97: Had sex in public?
  • 98: Played on a sports team?
  • 99: Smoked weed?
  • 100: Did drugs?
  • 101: Smoked cigarettes?
  • 102: Drank alcohol?
  • 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
  • 104: Been overweight?
  • 105: Been underweight?
  • 106: Been to a wedding?
  • 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
  • 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
  • 109: Been outside my home country?
  • 110: Gotten my heart broken?
  • 111: Been to a professional sports game?
  • 112: Broken a bone?
  • 113: Cut myself?
  • 114: Been to prom?
  • 115: Been in airplane?
  • 116: Fly by helicopter?
  • 117: What concerts have I been to?
  • 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
  • 119: Learned another language?
  • 120: Wore make up?
  • 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
  • 122: Had oral sex?
  • 123: Dyed my hair?
  • 124: Voted in a presidential election?
  • 125: Rode in an ambulance?
  • 126: Had a surgery?
  • 127: Met someone famous?
  • 128: Stalked someone on a social network?
  • 129: Peed outside?
  • 130: Been fishing?
  • 131: Helped with charity?
  • 132: Been rejected by a crush?
  • 133: Broken a mirror?
  • 134: What do I want for birthday?
  • 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
  • 136: Was I named after anyone?
  • 137: Do I like my handwriting?
  • 138: What was my favourite toy as a child?
  • 139: Favourite Tv Show?
  • 140: Where do I want to live when older?
  • 141: Play any musical instrument?
  • 142: One of my scars, how did I get it?
  • 143: Favourite pizza toping?
  • 144: Am I afraid of the dark?
  • 145: Am I afraid of heights?
  • 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
  • 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
  • 148: What I’m really bad at
  • 149: What my greatest achievments are
  • 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
  • 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery
  • 152: What do I like about myself
  • 153: My closest Tumblr friend
  • 154: Something I fantasise about
  • 155: Any question you’d like

(Source: charlottesharks)

(Source: nightgasher)


"you don’t need medicine it’s all poison"

"nature is better than therapy just look at a waterfall"

"real medicine is fruits and vegetables"


(Source: festliche-bishoujo)

(Source: beatlessssss)