That’s all of ‘em. Sorry for the long posts.
That’s all of ‘em. Sorry for the long posts.
It’s a terrifying experience. It’s an overwhelming urge that I never know if I’ll be able to defeat each time It returns. Everyone has felt It, haven’t they? The physical pull toward the person they’re attracted to. The mental desire that wants to manifest as physical action.
I can never predict exactly when It will come. I just know that It will. No matter how much I prepare for It, It is a tidal wave ripping through me. You can’t prepare for something like that. Especially when you aren’t even sure when or if It will ever break.
Somehow I haven’t been pinned helplessly to the floor yet. I’ve been dragged to my knees by the weight of It, but somehow I’ve managed to get back up before the next wave tries to drown me.
The worst part is that It’s never something I want to fight at first. I actually want to give in. But to do so would risk so much, and the odds have never been so stacked against me. Or maybe they aren’t, and I’ve just pulled a veil over my own eyes.
I don’t know for sure, but I’ll keep opposing It for as long as I can.
My very first friend passed away the other day. I watched as she slowly lowered her head and the drugs put her to sleep. Even when my mother moved to block my view of my friend as she passed, I stared as if looking through mother’s head. Teared piled in my eyes and my throat was drier than hell.
When the drug that was meant to numb and put her into a peaceful sleep took affect, her tongue fell out of her mouth. She didn’t have many teeth, so there was nothing to keep it inside. I desperately wanted to put it back, to lean forward and kiss and cry into her fur, but I couldn’t move.
I didn’t see the final needle enter her. I didn’t see her tongue turn from bright pink to sickly purple. I didn’t feel her soul leave, like some people claim happens when someone they care about passes. It took just a few moments before the vet checked for her pulse. As soon as the call was made, everyone around me let the floodgates flow, and tears streamed down our faces.
I wasn’t the friend I should have been to her, but every time I was with her she showed me love and affection that I did not deserve. In her simple, loving, and fading eyes I was the best friend, companion, and master she could ask for, and maybe it was only because I fed her and occasionally rubbed her back in her old age. But that was enough for her.
Even as old as she was, nearly 15, she was always a puppy at heart. She always managed to muster up random bursts of puppyish energy. Even on her last day, it was her that kept our spirits high as she dashed unbelievably around the yard. When she plopped her hind legs into the ground and flailed her upper body left and right to show off her excitement, we could do nothing more than laugh.
August Honeysuckle Ricci, or simply Honey as we called her, was so much more than a dog or pet. She was more than a friend. She was like my own ball of sunlight, always ready to please and comfort with an almost motherly series of kisses. And I could never appreciate her enough.
One of my friends is dead, and another will go in just two days. I’ve shown neither the respect they deserved that I claim to give to the people I call friend. The first was at one point among my closest friends. Then she moved, and we stopped talking. We were just kids. I didn’t know how to reach her and I missed her terribly for a time. My fondest memory of her will forever be her dog, a golden lab, ripping her off her feet and dragging her across the lower lot of my home. She just managed to release the leash before being pulled onto the pavement.
When she got to her feet, both laughing and crying with her glasses bent but somehow still on her face, I laughed with her. Every once in a while after she moved, she would appear on my doorstep out of nowhere without warning. She was friends with my neighbor, you see, and they would get together often. It was always a wonderful surprise, but Iwish I’d shown it more. Years later, I discovered she had feelings for me. Which, looking back, was almost obvious.
I suppose I had the same feelings for her at one point. But reflecting on past feelings that may or may not have been is not my purpose here. When we finally managed to get in contact again, it was over Facebook, and she reached out to me. It was the last conversation I would ever have with her before she was ripped from the world by some sick fuck with a knife.
Three years of no interaction with someone who was once my best friend and now they’re gone forever. There was no reason. No purpose behind it. Except, perhaps, my own neglect.
It will not happen again. I will not let it happen again.
Too often I wake up staring at the ceiling, the smile that slipped onto my lips in the night to accompany a wondrous dream in a world where every bad thing was done right is immediately replaced by a grief-stricken cringe that envelopes my entire frozen body.
No matter how I twist and turn I can’t lull my body back into that beautiful world of false realities. I can’t escape the morning chill that looks to violently keep me in a place riddled with misery and mistakes.
Instead I’m left cringing with full body tremors as I remember all the reasons why those dreams aren’t real. Oh how I wish I could make it all disappear. The things I would do, I would give, to alter these past three years are infinite.
But it seems like everyone else is better off continuing the way things are. I won’t look to change things if everyone else is happy now. I’ll just go through the motions with this cycle of heartache and brutally beautiful nightmarish dreams.
Posting several stories I wrote last year during my boring classes/free periods. At the time they were rather personal but now… Ehfuckit
PARANORMAL CREATURES: HELLHOUND
A hellhound is a supernatural creature that can be found in folklore. They usually have black fur, glowing red eyes, super strength and speed, a foul odor and sometimes even the ability to talk. Certain legends say that if you stare into a hellhounds eyes 3 or more times, then you will surely die. They are often associated with the entrance to the afterlife. In european legends simply even hearing a hellhounds howl maybe an omen or cause of death.
science side of tumblr, can you explain why there’s a void in my heart I can’t fill
"you don’t need medicine it’s all poison"
"nature is better than therapy just look at a waterfall"
"real medicine is fruits and vegetables"